I'm Not That Sandra Arena

Rochester Democrat and Chronicle (NY)

August 20, 2008

I'm Not That Sandra Arena

but I Have Sinned -- And am Forgiven

Author: Sandy Arena, Founder of The Life Ballet, Mother of

Three Children on Earth, and Two Aborted Children in Heaven.

This piece marked the first time she shared her abortion story

(what a way to tell!) and was the start of her journey to the

creation of "The Life Ballet".

Section: Speaking Out

Page: 9A

Rochester, NY - My name is Sandy Arena — but not the Sandy Arena, subject of recent headlines ("Woman accused of using car to murder," Aug. 14). I'm the one from Pittsford.

I am writing this essay to share a word of compassion for those involved in the tragedy, as well as a personal conviction and lesson I have learned over the past few days being in the very unique position of sharing a name with a woman who has been charged with second-degree murder and four counts of first-degree assault. She is accused of plowing into a crowd in a parking lot, sending four people to Strong Memorial Hospital and killing Chad Coleman.

First, I must say I have been mixed up with the other Sandra Arena before — with online shopping and at local boutiques with databases of names. The two of us are close in age (I'm 42; she's 48), we have similar hairstyles and hair color, and we both live in eastside suburbs. And now the other Sandy Arena and I share something more.

Because I have a ministry that is a Christian dance school and ballet company, I am in the public eye, particularly in the Christian community. So, this past week I had many phone calls, e-mails and inquiries about this tragedy, with people asking if it was I who was involved.

Even one of my best friends called me in a panic when she heard the news. "Is it you?" she asked, her voice shaking in fear and disbelief. "I was so scared when I heard," she said.

So how did I react when asked if I were the Sandy Arena? "Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no! I'm not her," I announced at first, easing everyone's minds that it was she, not I, who was the subject of the local news.

"That's the other Sandy Arena," I said. "I'm not that Sandy Arena." Or in other words, "I'm the 'good' Sandy Arena." I set myself apart in self righteousness and pride.

But at one time in my life, I could have been that Sandy Arena and so could almost anyone. We are all so quick to condemn and to judge each other, and we are all so slow to forgive when we are either rightly or wrongly accused. I am in no way diminishing the death of the young man or defending the person charged in his death. I am not suggesting that people should not pay for their mistakes according to the law of the land. I am only sharing my own personal conviction at my reaction to being mistaken for the other Sandy Arena.

I'm the good one, I said. I didn't do that.

Jesus said, "If anyone of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone." (John: 8:7.) He was referring to a woman caught in adultery who was brought before him by the teachers of the law and the Pharisees. All walked away unable to throw the stone leaving only Jesus and the woman left. Jesus said to the woman, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

"No one, sir," she said.

"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

I don't know what happened that night outside the bar in Rochester and where that Sandy Arena's mind, will and emotions were at that point, but I do know a young man's life has been horribly and tragically cut short. Now so many people are grieving and hurting, and a woman named Sandy Arena is charged with a very serious crime. And now I know on a very limited and miniscule basis what that feels like — to be judged, condemned, and have stones thrown at me.

And I must say I am disappointed in my own personal reaction. Who am I to set myself apart from this tragedy? The Bible says, "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." (Romans: 3:23).

No, in this situation, I'm not that Sandy Arena, but the truth is that I'm only good and saved and sanctified and set free because of Jesus Christ and God's redemptive plan of the Cross.

"No, I'm not that Sandy Arena," I say now, "but I very well could have been, and so could you. I, too, have sinned. We all have sinned and done things that we regret."

And yes, I also took the life of another when, as a high school student, I had an abortion. I wish I could change the past and control the future and know that I will never sin again. But the only thing I can do is stay connected to Jesus Christ through reading the Word of God, praying and receiving His forgiveness. I bear His fruit of goodness and mercy and seek His help to obey His commandments. That's all I can do.

I will end with excerpts from a special poem called I am a Christian by Maya Angelou. I dedicate this to the other Sandy Arena and to the family and friends of the young man who died. I pray for compassion for everyone involved in this tragedy and for forgiveness and healing for all the families and for our community: When evil falls upon our region, it affects us all.

I pray that God would forgive me for my pride and self-righteousness. The poem:

When I say, 'I am a Christian,'

I'm not shouting, 'I'm clean livin',

I'm whispering, 'I was lost,

Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say, 'I am a Christian'

I don't speak of this with pride.

I'm confessing that I stumble

and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say, 'I am a Christian'

I'm not trying to be strong.

I'm professing that I'm weak

and need His strength to carry on.

When I say, 'I am a Christian'

I'm not bragging of success.

I'm admitting I have failed

and need God to clean my mess.

When I say, 'I am a Christian'

I'm not claiming to be perfect,

My flaws are far too visible

but, God believes I am worth it. ...

When I say, 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,

I'm just a simple sinner

Who received God's good grace, somehow!"

Arena lives in Pittsford.

To comment on this or any essay on this Speaking Out page, click on Opinion on the home page and then the essay.

Guest Essayist

Sandra Arena

Record Number: roc52161369

Sandy Arena poses with her youngest daughter Annaliese, age 6, who plays the part of Seraphina, Sarah's unborn baby, in The Life Ballet. Anna has two siblings Caleb and Alexis, and two unborn siblings who live in heaven with Jesus Christ and all the other unborn babies there. Sandy and her husband Sam and their family live in upstate New York.